Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Random Wednesday

I'm all over the place today. The kind of random post that should get bullet points. I did get a good run in yesterday doing intervals for the first time. I was using the sidewalks on the roads near my house, so it was all hills all the time. There is a spot on top that kind of almost levels out, so I ran it a few times. It was .2 mile intervals with 90 seconds rest as confirmed with the garmin. 4.15 miles total, but the speeds were the cool parts. I tried most of the time to keep the intervals around an 8 to 8:15 minute mile. Which is considerably faster than my normal 10 min pace for longer runs. But it was so cool to really push the speed thing for the first time in years. The fastest interval was 9.6 mph for my fellow treadmill junkies, or about a 6:10 pace. I know I clocked another one at 6:45 pace. So I know the potential is there. and it reminded me again of all of those sub-6 min miles I used to turn in back in the day when I was 70 lbs lighter.

I did some yoga this morning, with core work to come in a few minutes. I'll also try to hop on the bike some today. I need to get in about 10 miles, but I'm still really saddle sore from climbing Paris Mountain on sunday. I've decided that saddle sore is really a nice way of saying bruised taint. The worst part is I know the cure: tits (time in the saddle). So yes I need more tits. and on my live road bike not some weak recumbent stationary thing like some coked up librarian.

Last night the Spinners started the weekly tuesday night donaldson rides. We had some family in town and I ended up working a little late so I missed it. But after reading some of the reports on the spinners emails to the yahoo group, I really wish I had made this ride. One of my former clients Dan was a ride leader for a group going 29 miles on country rolling roads at a 17-18 mph pace. Started at 6 pm, done before dark. oh man I wish I had made that ride now. Next week, gotta do it.

You're not going to believe what I found over the weekend. It seems my arch nemesis Glaven has been into some worse things than we had originally thought. I mean, I knew the boy was twisted, but these books take the cake. Check these out:

Eating gifted children? Come on, I know Ian is smart but geez.

Teh Bride is Glaven's wife. At least she has taste. Thanks for ruining flan for me forever, though.

I mean, the simple fact that a librarian would write a book instead of just read and reshelve the books is disturbing enough. And wow, his variety and choice of topics is astounding! But you know what they say. Once you go monkey, you never go back. The conversation goes like this:

Me: Hey Glaven, want to go bowling tonight?

GQH: Nah, I've got an orangutan coming over tonight. Gonna git my groove on.

Me: Whatever, dude. Hit that shit.

Once the monkey pussy gets you in it's slimy grasp, you can't get enough. Sad, really. Finally, I found a book that I think would be useful to him. See if your nice 5 star rated library has a copy of this one laying around:

I just thought it would come in handy. and open the door for you to make jokes about people in the south not having indoor plumbing (we do). I'm always here to help.

Final random item for wednesday: I need some help. I'm sure you already knew that, but this help is quite specific. You see, Kelley and I, along with my brother Michael and our friend Deb (who talked Kelley into running the MB marathon - payback is hell) are doing this mud run May 2nd as a four person team. there's mud, obstacles, crawling and climbing over stuff, so it takes teamwork I guess. We had to submit a team name, and we're running with the "C" group of slow lazy people. So I'm hoping we can actually beat someone and end up getting our team name called for an award. So naturally we submitted the team name "The Registered Sex Offenders", and none of us are actually registered sex offenders. I just think it would be funny to hear "Coming in 2nd place, the Registered Sex Offenders" and have everyone clap and cheer for our chosen cause. Then we got a call the other night from the race organizers informing us that the race benefits Goodwill and Toys for Tots, so our choice was a little inappropriate.

A quick phone call to Michael (he's the creative one of us all) turned up some good potential names. He put a bunch of them on his blog yesterday. I really like "Tapwater Explosion", or maybe "Russell Crowe's Rabittoh's" after his rugby team. We need something tough, dirty and mean that still fits their family friendly race environment. Kelley likes the "Primrose Jellymakers", which does roll off of the tounge nicely, but doesn't quite convey the fear that I want to put in the other teams. I also considered "Pussy Recumbent Bike Riders" and "Coked Up Librarians", but I don't think they will fly. as most anything associated with Glaven will ultimately fail.

So gimme some idea here blog world! I need a team name.

more later, peace. And again, I know my mother is so proud of me right now.


Sun Runner said...

The "Mud Bogglers"? How about the "Dirt Digglers" or the "Dirt Lickers"?

As for, don't joke about that shit. I once saw a picture of the ugliest dude I've ever seen sticking it to a pig (don't ask). That was 11 years ago and I still can't get the horrible image out of my brain.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

back in the day when I was 70 lbs lighter

Nice job on the intervals, Fat-@$$.

How about for a team name: "Carolina John IS ... The Saddle-Sore P*ssy-Taints"?

@Sun Runner (aka, Sarah (D-MI)) - Was the the caption on that picture: "Carolina John: Leaving even pigs sexually frustrated since 1995"? Because, come on! "[U]gliest dude I've ever seen" pretty much gives it away just whom you're talking about!

Bet CJ can't wait to get back in that saddle again!

O ... and Hi-ya, Carolina John's mother! (Never let it be said that I'm impolite to people's mothers.)

Amber said...

Hahaha. I don't think I know of any names that will "impose fear" in the other teams. That's hilarious though, I can't believe they phoned you and asked you to change your name. Hahahaha.

Wes said...

You guys are too funny, but really dooood! Between the training, fam, and work, how do you find time for this shiz!!

p.s. definitely need to think comfy saddle...

healthy ashley said...

Oh this post made me crack up!

I don't have any creative names, but I can't wait to see what you choose!

Calyx Meredith said...

Well - I think you and Glaven both need help - but that probably doesn't surprise you. :D Great job with the intervals and good luck coming up with a family-friendly name.

Jess said...

Wow, you and Glaven are two special dudes. But what can I say, I laugh like a five year old who hears the word needless to say I find it hilarious

Missy said...

At least you don't freakin footnote like Glaven and make me scroll all the GD time!!!

Muddy Bunz, so many connotations...The Moose Knuckles...Camel Toes is just wayyy to obvious but both go with your charming beastiality theme!?!

tfh said...

See, I don't think the Registered Sex Offenders team name actually, truly became funny until you mentioned that the race benefits Toys for Tots...

I mean, this just gives a new meaning to your endorsement of kids on my blog this morning. Anyway, I personally am offended by the charity name "Toys for Tots." How inappropriate is that?

joyRuN said...

Nice work, CJ! Your resulting commentary is getting as colorful & interesting as the other one (your heart-warming bromance with GP has you two forever linked in my mind, but does Dr. Nic know about this??).

I guess "Bruised Taints" would also be an inappropriate choice, huh?

carrie said...

You and GQ are starting to remind me of my two old lady residents who bicker all the time. Y'all are cracking me up as much as they do.

Jes said...

Wow. I started reading this blog thinking, "Awww...what cute kids!!" And then was like, "Wait a freakin' minute...did that just say MONKEY PUSSY????"

Nice work. Nice work, indeed.