The Rest of November

There was a lot of other shit that went down in November that I didn't mention earlier. Some of it was good, most of it was not good. I had a few pictures from the election

I voted

and watched the election results in these cool Rocky pajamas

That turned out incredibly horrible. I try not to really talk politics on social platforms aside from the occasional joke - which just got a lot easier. For the record, I was a Bernie guy, getting universal health care is really the only issue that affected me personally because I was paying about $1000 a month for Obamacare for most of the election season. Hillary was the lesser of two terrible candidates and the entire corrupt system needs to be reformed. Don't get me started. The eventual result left me very depressed.

 

Hiking in Boone with my Love!

eating at Our Daily Bread

Amazing hot sauce store

This year for our 18th wedding anniversary Kelley and I got away for a romantic weekend in Boone! We left the kids in Raleigh and didn't tell anything else what we were up to. It was awesome. We had a fancy dinner at the restaurant where we met 20 years ago. The entire weekend was amazing and romantic and wonderful.

We got a roadside selfie

at Twigs - you can actually see us reflected in the mirror

Such a fancy dinner. So delish

everyone loves a forced pose

That was definitely a good thing for the month.

This thing is becoming a pain in the ass

The rabbit is getting to be a pain in the ass. Still adorable, just pooping everywhere and bit through a phone cable.

I covered Thanksgiving in the last post, but didn't mention what happened afterwards. There was good and really really bad.

Christmas tree is up!

Ella got to hang the topper this year

After this we had a series of tragedies in the family. The Sunday after Thanksgiving the entire large Maness family got together at Tammie's like we usually do. It was wonderful to get to see everybody, we had a huge crew this year.

Can you find us?

The Tuesday after that was Kelley's Mom's birthday. We were all together at our house preparing a birthday dinner when we got the call that Kelley's sisters' husband had passed away. Marcus was only 37 and was very healthy aside from smoking. This was a complete shock to all of us.

We still had stuff going on. Kelley and Neena went down to Meri's to comfort her and start making the arrangements so I stayed here with the kids.

Ella finished her science fair project! Eventually she will have to give a presentation as well. It turned out really good and I think she's going to end up with a nice grade. But finishing under these circumstances made it difficult to focus.

So Marcus is gone. We decided to home base out of my parents' house in Greenville because it would be easier to get up to Meri's and the would be able to watch the kids. Saturday we were cleaning Meri's house because we knew there would be people coming by after the funeral. In the afternoon, she got a call from one of the other cousins that Donnie had passed away.

Donnie Maness was one of Kelley's cousins who was very close in age with her dad. They actually grew up in the same house and were incredibly close. Donnie's oldest daughter is Kelley's best friend, she has been very distraught since losing her father. We are all very close with these people, and losing two members of the family so close together is leaving us numb.

Marcus' funeral was first, on Sunday. We got to see a lot more of his friends and family than we knew about previously. I led a prayer since I couldn't sing. My voice was still gone from being sick with a cold all the previous week. The funeral was very sad. Afterwards, we went back to the house with the rest of our family.

The following Wednesday was Donnie's funeral in Biscoe NC. It still doesn't seem like he's gone, we were just hanging out the Sunday before and he seemed perfectly healthy. We saw Kendall and more of the family than made it to the first funeral. I did a scripture reading and a prayer. It was different, but very familiar. Very sad again.

So that's how the year is wrapping up. Ella isn't used to seeing Kelley and myself this distraught, so she's taking it pretty hard. All of us are operating at an emotional high ground; the kind where country music makes me cry. The Christmas holidays are going to be very interesting.

On Losing and Losses

Something good happened on Monday. My MMNW came in at 174.8 lbs and 17.5% bodyfat. That's down nicely from last Mondays 175.4 and 19.3%. This means I didn't totally post-DNF eat my way into oblivion. This is also the first official MMNW under my typical plateau weight of 175. With all of the snow and the taper for the race on Saturday, the workouts were pretty slight last week. 4 snow days, the kids were only in school on Monday, it gets hectic, snowed in, and stir crazy.

So naturally, this week, the kids went to school on Monday. Then we got lots of snow and they have been home for the rest of the week. I'm again having really light workouts, going stir crazy. The weight has continued to drop, thursday was a low point at 171.8 lbs. I feel great, light and healthy.

Also something bad happened on Monday. Late last week we got word that Kelley's dad's oldest sister had passed away. He's got a huge family as the youngest of 8 kids. This sister was 21 when he was born, she was really a mother figure for him. Kelley and I are still very close with that entire side of the family, so while this was not really a surprise (she was 90), it is a very sad loss. This Monday the funeral was held in Biscoe NC. I'm getting very tired of putting on that black suit.

This makes three major losses for us recently; on different sides of the family. First it was Kelley's stepdad just before thanksgiving, our first parent to pass away. Then my grandmother passed away about two weeks ago, our last grandparent to pass away. Now out of 8 kids, Mickey and one sister are the only two that are left. They say these things come in threes, and I really hope this is the end of it. I really hadn't planned to miss any more work thanks to the other bereavement leaves, but Mickey asked me to sing at the funeral and I'm not going to pass up that chance. We ended up getting to see some people that couldn't make it to the big family Christmas last year so that was nice too.

Also on Monday night, Evil Genius and I had an Indian Princess meeting at BounceU, an inflatable fun house. We had a blast playing around on all of the fun games! And that's a better picture to end with than funeral news.

Those boxing gloves were huge!

The other thing that I've had plenty of time to do with all of this snow is register for races. Most of them were open - there was actually 1 marathon that was already sold out and 1 ultra that doesn't open registration until March 1st, but I went ahead and signed up for the rest of my year. I'm going back to Maryland to run the Potomac River Marathon in November. I'm also going back into the water. My swim season now has the Jordan Lake Open Water Challenge 2.4 mile race, and the Big Deuce 2 mile open water race for the 4th time. Every year on that one I say I'm going to drop back to the 1 mile race but still keep signing up for the 2. Those are both leading to the big dog, the 12 mile Swim Around Charleston! This is a bucket list kind of marathon swim that has a 6 hour cutoff. I am incredibly excited to step up to such a stiff challenge. My brother Michael is going to kayak for me, it's going to be amazing.

Remembering Granny

Last Wednesday 2/4 I was in choir practice at church when I got 2 texts and a call about my grandmother. Turns out it was the "going downhill fast" call, and she passed about 2 am on Thursday 2/5/15. Grandmothers are very special, and losing one is never easy. We were always very close. 

Nora Barnhill was in an assisted living facility/nursing home for the last 11 years. My God-send of a mother was the primary caretaker for her the entire time; I don't see how she did it. That's a long time to care for an elderly parent. Granny was not easy to care for either. At first she did enjoy the facility, but the last 3 years especially were difficult for her in there as her constant pain levels increased and quality of life steadily decreased. Even this past December she was mentally and physically unable to do anything to celebrate her 90th birthday. Her passing brings almost as much relief as it does sadness.

She was my last grandparent. I feel blessed to have made it to almost 40 years old with grandparents, and hope that my children are that lucky.

My grandfather worked for Bell South, and after he retired they moved out to a 22 acre farm in rural SC. Some of my best childhood memories were out there, and I absolutely loved spending time on the farm. My grandfather used to take me fishing, and to Furman and Clemson football games, or just work the farm planting and harvesting the fields. Granny taught me how to cook before I moved into a dorm with a kitchen sophomore year of college. I still have recipes in her handwriting. He passed away about a month before Kelley and I got married in 1998.  I still miss him deeply.

You learn (or relearn) interesting things about someone after they pass away. I knew Granny's mother was a charter member of  a small church in Greenville SC. I knew Granny was a home economics teacher before she retired. But I didn't realize that she directed the wednesday night church supper for over 30 years. She also taught the kindergarten sunday school class for over 30 years. (if you're not familiar, Wednesday nights at a Southern Baptist Church include a 5 pm dinner social followed by an adult bible study and separate children's events. Our church regularly has about 100 people for that.) Saturday afternoon we had a graveside funeral for Granny. The church preacher (who was also a golfing partner with my grandfather) delivered the eulogy. And like most Southern Baptist Preachers, Spencer was quite the talker. I was surprised how much he talked about my grandfather at Granny's funeral, but they were the closest of friends. Spencer always said that my grandfather was his preacher.

They were married for 52 years. The closest I ever heard to them having an argument ended with him saying "why don't you kiss me so you'll hush talking". Amazing.

Since she sold the farm 11 years ago most of her material possessions were taken care of then. We got the rest of her stuff moved out of the nursing home Saturday morning. Mom had been going through some of it, and had set aside a few hundred pictures that she had kept with her in the nursing home. That really shows you what she thought was important; the moments that she chose to cherish. Every single one of my school pictures was in there, from 4 year old preschool through 12th grade. I couldn't believe how many pictures she kept of my eagle scout presentation. I scanned in a bunch of pictures, and think it's appropriate to end this post with some of the memories that were important to her.

Portrait of my grandparents

Almost all of the grandkids, this was taken before the last 2 were born, and they are both college age now.

Granny with an Evil Genius going after her necklace

She loved her great-grandkids more than anything

My college graduation was the only time they ever went to Boone NC

Me as a baby with my grandparents on a beach vacation. Those beds are still in the Tybee Island beach house

At my eagle scout presentation ceremony - Dad's mom passed in 2013, my dad looks incredibly young, me, mom, and her dad

He gave me one of those coins every year

Granny and I at my Great-Grandma Barnhill's funeral. I was in college.

She made finger puppets for the kids to play with!

Granny on the beach at Tybee Island

Mama G on the beach at Tybee Island

Mama G was granny's mother. She passed in 1990 when I was in high school. She bought the beach house with her husband in 1947. Mom decided to spend a week there to decompress and let the new reality sink in over such a familiar location. I need to make a trip to Tybee this year too. It's about a 7 hour drive for us so it's not that easy, but it's been a couple of years since we've made it down.

Granny was buried beside my grandfather, and right in front of her parents. They will all be missed. We were blessed to have such a large family and for so many generations to be together for so long.

I still have more pictures that she kept that I'll be sharing soon.

Remembering Gene

The reason my posting has been so sporadic over the last few months (and non-existent in the last few weeks) is that my family has been dealing with an eminent loss. Kelley's step-father Gene Saunders has been fighting kidney cancer for a few years, and about 5 weeks ago the doctors at Duke had to tell him that the medication wasn't working to shrink the tumors anymore and they would have to stop treatments. Last Thursday 11/20 he had a heart attack and went into the hospital, and Friday 11/21 he passed away. Gene was married to Kelley's mom for 30 years. Since he was getting treatments at Duke, they came up to our house at least once a month for a few nights and we all enjoyed getting to spend that much time with them. Gene leaves behind one daughter Aimee from his first marriage with two adult grandchildren, and Kelley and her sister are stepdaughters with our three grandchildren. He will be greatly missed by all.

The funeral was on Sunday 11/23 in Newberry SC. Christopher, Aimee's oldest kid, spoke very eloquently about his grandfather. Also Preacher Campbell delivered a grand southern eulogy and sang a couple of old hymns. On Monday 11/24 Gene was buried at the family plot in Troy, NC near his parents and a couple of his brothers. I got to speak and sing there, and Kelley gave one of the most passionate and genuine speeches I've ever heard. She is terrified of public speaking, so that made it even more amazing.  The best way I can think of to mark Gene's passing here is to retell what I can remember of my speech at his gravesite with some pictures of him.

Eating s'mores with a young Evil Genius

Stories about Gene:

I first met Gene when I was still 20 years old, and I'm only a few months away from hitting 40 now. He guided me from being a dumb college kid into a man, then into a parent, always with helpful advice and a steady hand. We treated each other over the years as both a parent/child and as friends, and our time together is something that I will always cherish.

In 1998 I had just graduated college, and Kelley and I were moving from Boone down the mountain to Greensboro. My dad came up to Greensboro to help us unload the uhaul and I told him: "ok, you're going to meet Gene for the first time. This guy has already had 3 heart attacks and it's kind of a hot day today, so I don't think he's going to work us too hard. If we just do what he says we should get out of it without too much damage." Then, everybody met, and we unloaded and unpacked. By the end of the day, Dad and I were both drenched with sweat, our knuckles were dragging the ground, and we were ready to pass out. Finally, Gene said "ok, I guess we can stop now", so Dad said to me "I thought you said he wasn't going to work us too hard because he's already had 3 heart attacks?" and I told him that what we got *actually was* Gene going easy on us.

Most of us will never know what a hard days work looked like to Gene, and that's a blessing. He had an ability to work hard, and lead by example in a way that meant you were going to learn what he was doing while he was doing it, kind of a leadership/teaching hybrid. Pretty amazing skill.

Gene was raised on a cattle farm in Troy NC and then went to NC State. He played football in high school, and was pretty good at it, but most people knew that. However, most people didn't know that he walked onto the NC State football team! Then he walked back off after only two practices because "them boys was huge and I didn't want any part of it" as he told me once. Gene never did back down from a challenge, but he knew when it was in his best interest to back down.

Immediately after graduation, Gene went to work for NC State in the weed control department. His degree was related to farming, and work was all in pesticides and herbicides. We almost didn't get to have Round-Up sold in NC because Gene's group couldn't pass the testing for it. Finally someone did find the product and they were able to pass it on to the Extension Service for testing.

Making pottery with EG

Gene told me one time that the fastest he ever had to fire anyone on the job was only 20 minutes in. Can you imagine? Showing up bright and early for a first day at your new job at 7 am, and then by 7:20 you're already headed back to the unemployment line. Gene just said that he couldn't get any work out of the guy and had no time to waste on it. Crazy!

Gene's comfort zone was always working with his hands. Anything from gardening to making stained glass  or pottery, to playing guitar he could do anything with his hands. Sewing, crochet, woodworking, electrical, plumbing, you name it he could do it. Gene retired when he was only 50, he took off every October for the last 4 years that he worked and went down to Prosperity SC to work on building his house. Once the house was finished, he still had 2 years of vacation time saved up so he cashed in and moved down there. The house he built is an incredible log cabin right on Lake Murray.

I love spending time in other people's comfort zones. Gene and I worked on projects together all the time. Just a few months ago he was in Raleigh for a cancer treatment, and then we were laying hardwood flooring (remember what I said about a hard days work? he never slowed down) that afternoon. Eventually after doing so many projects together you just know what the other person is expecting. We had to step outside to cut the floorboards on his saw, and when we had glued down enough to block access to the door that got interesting. I just spread the next part of the glue, then darted around the house, out the back door, and around to where the saw was. By the time I got there, a board was sitting in an open window waiting for me to cut it. No instruction needed, I made the cuts and handed him the boards he needed back through the window. When I saw he needed more glue down, I came back around the back door and got back on the glue. I doubt that I'll ever have that kind of unspoken communication with anyone else. We just knew the patterns and what the other person needed.

When you got into Gene's comfort zone you learned the simplest way to solve any problem. You learned that any problem can be solved by breaking it down into small, simple solutions.

Gene carving a turkey for Thanksgiving

Words cannot express how much I'm going to miss him or how much I loved him. Gene and I were as close as any other father/son pair out there. I'm grateful for the time we got to spend together and the lessons I learned from him.

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trumpet shall sound, and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul

It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

Gene was a big fan of traditional country and bluegrass music, so this hymn was an appropriate choice. After Kelley talked we all sang a few choruses of "Will the Circle Be Unbroken" to close the ceremony.  After the ceremony we all went back to the old farmhouse where Gene was raised. His brother's son lives there now with his wife. In true southern style, there was a ton of food there including a chicken (and a veggie) pot pie where moonshine was the secret ingredient.  It was amazing.

Kelley, Aimee, Meri, and Neena on the farm

Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers as our family goes through such a difficult time. We all stayed with Neena at the lake house for the rest of the week. Thursday was Thanksgiving at the home of one of Neena's sisters, then Saturday was Neena's birthday. Those have to be a separate post. Now that we're all back in Raleigh and I've been able to collect my thoughts I can realize how much of an impact he had on our lives