Transitions

Recently I was telling a friend that I was going through a pretty extreme transition right now, and it may not be obvious to some people. For the last decade I've built this identity as an athlete. Triathlons, Ironman, Trail Ultras, always training and looking forward to the next race. Marathons are still my favorite, in fact I've got another one coming up next weekend in Colorado.

But it's a transition. I've barely been training and I'm going in about 45 lbs overweight. There are no races on the calendar after this. I'm having a small surgery (umbilical hernia repair) on June 28 that will take 4-6 weeks to recover. No training or heavy lifting until August. And I am starting grad school in August. All I've been motivated to do lately is work on a sailboat I'm building and other home projects, like landscaping.

I'm not the only one going through a transition! My Evil Genius has now graduated 5th grade and is a full blown middle schooler. First time in 8 years we haven't had a student in the local Elementary School.

With the teacher and principal

EG with a painting she did in the library at school

The garden is in a transition too. I shortened the beds this year and added a 3rd taller bed with the difference. Still end up with a smaller garden space overall, but it's really full this year and thriving with the extra topsoil/compost we added!

buying plants at the farmers market

Those beds used to be as wide as the muscadines behind them

Today's garden - huge growing plants!

The new bed is only squash & zuch this year

I had to shorten up the garden beds because of my next huge project. I'm going to rip out this existing front porch and rebuild it the way I want! That also means relandscaping the entire front yard in front of the house.

stairs at the wrong angle have got to go

The front porch is tiny and crumbling and it has got to go

The before picture. Crap landscaping, that stone L path has got to go

I want stairs that go straight into the front door. This existing porch has a hard L 90* turn to get into the front door. It's barely big enough for the door to open before hitting the handrail. I hate the handrail. Moving a couch in that front door is impossible. I'm going to rip it all out and put in a 10' x 16' long front porch with a block/brick foundation and extend the roof out to cover it, tying into the existing roofline. That means the stone pathway that leads to the existing stairs have to go away, and I can finally turn that weird azalea hedge (that's not how you're supposed to use azaleas or structure a hedge!) into some actual landscaping. With trees and hardscape and a path and everything. Enjoy the before pictures.

The boat is looking really good right now too. I got the keel attached to the stem and all of the frames, so the base structure is totally in place. I have 4 more boards to connect (chines and clamps on each side) before I can put the plywood on the hull, so I'm trying to find the cash for the plywood now. That might be an August thing as well.

But the biggest transition that I'm struggling with is still going from athlete to student/woodworker. As of June 1, I stopped the monthly billing for the swim team that I've been on since 2011. No open water races for me this year still feels dirty and strange. But the arthritis hurts so much I can't finish the workouts anymore. So no more swimming, at least for now. No more biking for the last few years, eh, that's not new. Running? in this heat? there's just no motivation. At this weight and with arthritis it just hurts so much more. at this weight...

I ran across this picture when the tattoo sleeve was new back in 2015 and tried to recreate it with today's belly. The tattoo is still awesome. But the difference in my belly between 2015 (when I ran a bunch of marathons and went to Minnesota) and this summer is obvious. The people I see every day don't think I've gained much weight. With a shirt on it's easy to hide. Even in the pool people don't think there's much of a difference. but yeah. this is painful to look at. On the left I'm about 170 lbs, on the right is about 210. Today I weighed in at 216 so it's gotten a bit worse.

trail running fixes everything, right?

So here's the plan for the transition. I'm going to do this marathon in Colorado next weekend no matter what. By the time I'm recovered from that it will be time for the surgery - 11 days apart. By the time I'm recovered from that (4-6 weeks) I will treat it like I'm starting a base/weight loss phase. No runs longer than 5 miles, go vegetarian again, 1800 calories a day. It worked in the past, it should work again. It will be easiest with the heat to run in the morning before work, and I can do grad school classes/work in the evenings and squeeze in the woodworking stuff when I can. Now I typically get about 45 minutes a day to work outside before dinner then hit the gym after, so now I'll get the same 45 minutes (maybe) outside before dinner and do the online school after that. It will be the right time and structure to get my health back in line. Just losing weight won't help the arthritis, but it will help me feel better about myself. No marathons for at least the rest of the year, maybe no marathons until the end of grad school. Then I can take a closer look at how my body feels and where my motivation lies.

I told my friend to start with small goals, and when you achieve them see what kind of bigger goals those lead to. My small goals are to get my health problems under control and keep these house projects going. No timetable on those, just be sure I can pay for it as I go. This summer I don't want to let the Seasonal Affective Disorder ruin my mood. I mean, there are a lot of reasons to be down on myself here (they all start with "shit I'm old" and "that hurts"). But I'm not going to let the heat get to me this year. Acclimate and accept. All I can really do in this transition is keep a short focus and see where it takes me. I could end up someplace that I love as much as Ironman.

About Transformations

This past Sunday was Scout Recognition Day at our church. Our church sponsors a boy scout troop that has a particularly high turnout rate of Eagle Scouts. Also, I've been meditating for a while around the concept of transformation, more specifically this quote:

During the regular church service the scoutmaster gets up to talk about the troop and the ideals of the boy scouts, and how they align with the goals of the church. Then all of the current and former scout leaders, as well as any Eagle Scouts in the congregation, stand for recognition. Something really clicked for me then, and I want to explain it here.

I distinctly remember waking up on my 17th birthday (almost 25 years ago), rolling over in bed and staring down my boy scout handbook. My first thought was "I have one year left to finish this and if I don't do it now it will never happen". I knew what I had to do.

Telling people that you are an Eagle Scout sets - well "expectation" is the wrong word. There is a reputation that precedes you at that point, but that's a good thing. Eagle scouts know the value of honesty, are trustworthy, and have a natural leadership ability. The keyword is that you "achieve the rank of Eagle Scout" because it's not something that you can just step into or pay for. It takes more work than most people realize.

Everyone knows there are a large list of merit badges that you have to complete. Those are checklists, things where everyone has to put together the same accomplishments like riflery (shooting a .22 5 times inside of the diameter of a quarter on a gun range). Some people know there has to be an Eagle Scout Project where you have to build and lead a team through ideas, funding, materials, and project completion. My project involved remodeling part of a house for an elderly couple taking care of an adult son with disabilities. Very few people know that you then have to defend your accomplishments to a council of scoutmasters. I had my council meeting about 10 days before my 18th birthday.

12 year old me who joined the scouts just wanted to go camping with my childhood best friend. I learned the value of honesty, and standing up for what's right. I became a trustworthy person and then led my peers and kept the younger scouts in line just like the older scouts kept me in line. At the time I didn't realize how distinct that transformation was, but from age 12 to 18 I did transform myself to achieve the rank. It certainly still has a lasting affect on me to this day.

Lots of people add "finish an Ironman" to their bucket list. I wasn't necessarily one of them. I was a pack a day smoker for 15 years. I was an obese, heavy drinker. When I finished my first sprint triathlon I had two thoughts: First, I knew I had beaten my tobacco addiction. It's been 9 years, still happy about that. Second, I thought those people who did Ironmans were idiots - certifiably insane.

The Ironman brand's mantra is "anything is possible", and you learn what that means during Ironman training. As humans, we don't have limits. Our mind sets up what we can and cannot do. If you can change your mind, you can alter your entire reality.

To get ready for Ironman training I lost the rest of the weight. I established a solid aerobic base during the weight loss phase by running 5 miles on the treadmill 5 days a week for several months straight. Then I increased my endurance steadily over time, joined a US Masters swim team, and started increasing my time on the bike. The training plan for a full iron takes about 9 months working out twice a day, 6 days a week. Ideally, you want to ride 5 times, run 5 times, swim 2 or 3 times, and still work in some yoga/stretching and strength training every week too.

Your body turns iron long before race day. On 11/5/2011 I finished Ironman Florida in 13:06:24 and became an Ironman. The day of the race was a magical celebration, swimming in the Gulf of Mexico, riding through a breezy flat course, then running my way to hear an announcer say "John Flynn You Are An Ironman" - and all of those hours of sweat paid off in exponential ways that were better than I had imagined.

I had transformed myself from smoker to triathlete, then from triathlete to Ironman. The registration anxiety was crazy the day I signed up. I wasn't that guy who actually thought I could finish the race I had just dropped $700 on. I had to change myself into someone who could do that. I learned discipline, confidence, and where my limits were (hint: I don't have any)

Since the Scout Recognition Day happened in Church, it got me thinking about the transformation that happens when you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. It gives me a sense of peace. The unending love that God has for us is the same love that we should show for our fellow man.

Muslims pray 5 times a day which seems absurd to so many Americans. But if we ask a blessing before each meal, start the day with some prayer and meditation time, and finish each day by thanking God for what happened that day, we're there as well. And if you establish a new pattern of prayer, do you think God will transform something in your life if you keep praying often enough?

When you learn how to love yourself, you then learn how to love others. If I can grow so many different ways above, then I can help others grow in their own way. Being a Christian has determined how I lead my family, what I teach my kids, and how I build my social circles. Currently I sing in the sanctuary choir and truly love sharing my gift of song.

Conclusion
Your goals don't have to be my goals. It took me 6 years to transform myself into an Eagle Scout. It took 4 years to go from smoker to Ironman. I was baptized at age 12, and I bet eventually I'll become a decent church member. What has transformed you in the past? How do you want to transform in the future? Any good, big goals ahead?

Postlude: Goals don't have to be physical. Now at 41, I've been fighting foot pain long enough that I'm starting to abandon my race schedule and start swimming more. I just can't run yet and I miss it so much. Actually, I've noticed that every time I do what I love I complain about it. Get in the pool? no flip turns today, my back hurts. Running? foot pain. can't get enough miles to properly train for the upcoming marathons. Also I have no idea what I'm going to do about that. Goals might also instill setting priorities. I still want to finish a full marathon or longer in all 50 states so this years new states have to be the priority. But am I too old for this? Some days I feel too old for a lot of things. Age is another form of transformation, I guess.

The Mechanics

First let me say thank you. My 2015 year in review post got so many encouraging comments. You guys obviously recognized that I've been a bit blue this year, and your kind words really helped. I've been in a downward spiral for a while, and whenever this work thing settles down it will start to stabilize.

The consistent beer intake doesn't help depression. I'm not out getting hammered, just one or two beers when something else gets annoying. But then Kelley pointed out that it's happening about 6 days a week. And then I'm over 190 lbs for the first time in 5 years. And I'm feeling all of that weight (and age) when I'm running, and I'm running a lot more than ever before to get ready for the Umstead 100. So my hips, and knees, and feet are all feeling the effects of all of that; it's not pleasant at all.

On a trail run last weekend, the car said 48* but I did 17 miles comfortably in shorts and no sleeves because I do what I want. It was a fantastic time in Umstead.

Last week I had a unique opportunity. A local physical therapist was giving a clinic on running mechanics and case studies of his 3D gait analysis system. This guy is a runner and helps runners in addition to kids and others recovering from surgery. He can watch you on a treadmill (2D analysis) and make the pains go away. The service is not as pricey as I was expecting, so I may bite down and get a session.

Of course Jim knew all of the medical terminology for the bones, muscles, and movements involved in running. The presentation was very smooth and informative. He talked a lot about what we, as runners, can look for in other runners to spot imbalances and sometimes provided advice to correct them. It really made me think about my own running form and how I keep getting these same problems (left hip flexor, right knee, both feet/ankles) every year.

I came to the following conclusions after the discussion:

• My right hip must be dropping
• My right shoe scrapes my left calf during the recovery portion of the motion, indicating that my left hip is having a problem stabilizing during that part of the movement
• Heel/toe/midfoot strike is not as important as the angle of the shinbone to the knee at ground impact
• Keep the cadence at 180 for short strides. Efficiency is what's going to make me last 100 miles, not speed
• Stand tall - my forward lean might actually be hurting my hip stabilizers

 This clinic was last wednesday night. Thursday I had to go to the gym to hit the treadmill for 10 miles to see if I could make some corrections. I ended up actually having a very surreal experience. The headphones stayed home (by accident) so all I had was the ambient noise around the gym. My mind actually went into a very calm, zen-like state after a few minutes and I was able to be completely still on the inside, even though my body was in constant motion.

When I tried to "run taller" I could actually feel my hips staying balanced more. No more scraping my left calf. I checked my cadence often and at different speeds, and every time it came in right at 180.

To calculate my cadence, I wait for the treadmill timer to hit an even number. Then I count my right (or left) footfalls until I get to 30. The timer should have advanced by exactly 20 seconds. 30 right steps in 20 seconds, multiplied by 3 means 90 right footsteps in a minute. Hopefully, my left foot also got in 90 steps in the same minute, thus giving me exactly a 180 cadence. If my 30 right footfalls took 22 seconds, then my cadence is a bit slow and I need to try and shorten my stride. I've never seen my cadence go over 180, so I don't know how to deal with that. But 180 is a widely used standard for men and women runners, so feel free to use my method the next time you're out and want to check yourself.

Overstriding is when your knee is extended too far before footstrike. Typically this generates a heel strike, but you can still hit toes first. Not letting your shins go past vertical is only a mental adjustment. Think of your knees like a loose hinge so your shins can hang freely like windchimes. This is how you want to land. I don't think I was overstriding too badly, but once I got the cadence in line, and ran taller, I knew my shins were at the proper angle as well.

Really the whole thing came together. I ran 10 miles at a 9 minute pace or faster. I wasn't bored, fatigued, or aerobically challenged. Heart rate never got above 142. The whole thing was just amazing. I really needed that.

MMNW on point!

Last week, in general, I had a hard time getting my stuff together. Too much to do, high stress work time, not enough hours in the day to get everything done. My standard MO in those kinds of situations is to do the highest priority stuff first and whatever doesn't get done is water under the bridge. After my grandmother's funeral, it took me forever to get the pictures organized and keep up with all of the training and other stuff going on.

The Monday Morning Naked Weight (MMNW) for 2/9 finally showed some nice progress! I didn't totally blow it over the funeral weekend. 175.2 lbs and 19.1% bodyfat. Finally down to typical plateau level. I think my scale is calculating the bodyfat % more erratically because I haven't figured out how to adjust the age that it figures into the calculation. This week I felt very slim.  I got in 3 runs for 29 miles, and 2 swims for 5300 yards. Eating was pretty well on point, and we had 1 night in Greenville in there too.

This turned out to be a great setup for the week that followed. I hit a low point (since 2011 I think) of 173.6 lbs on Wednesday morning. My workouts and eating were totally on point through the week! I did meet an old college friend for lunch at an Indian buffet on Thursday but that was the only hard part. Today's MMNW was 175.4 lbs and 19.3% bodyfat. So 2 weeks right around plateau level.

Normally this is where I stop the weight loss phase and ramp up the training. This year I'm really trying to maximize my weight to power ratio so I want to bust through this plateau and see if I can get past the "skinny fat" phase and just get to thin. So let's keep on this track for a few more weeks and see what happens.

One thing that happened. My grandmother hung onto a few pictures from when I was heavy. I stitched them into this:

I lost more than the glasses

I snapped that pic on Wednesday before swim practice outside of the pool.  I got in 3 runs for 29 miles after taking Saturday as a full rest day and getting in an 11 mile long run on Sunday. Also got in 3 swims for 10,500 yards including a 4000 yard swim on Friday! RAM practice included a 1000 y warmup and a 2600 yard main set. It was totally insane. I never get in that much yardage for a noon practice! It was so amazing.

I'm tapering this week, got the Frozen Heart 50k coming up in Maryland on Saturday! That's the other reason not to ramp up training and end the weight loss phase. I'm going to have the insane post-50k eating festival and recovery week. Also this week Raleigh is getting snow, which means the entire state shuts down. So workouts are going to be sparse as they should be, and my eating has to be pretty strict. Typically I blow the nutrition plan during the taper, so keep your fingers crossed that I will a:) be able to get to maryland and race in a snowstorm and b:) arrive at the starting line rested, light, and strong.