Friday, February 6, 2009

What a wild morning

Yesterday morning was so NUTS I have to tell you about it. I got up at a reasonable time with perfectly reasonable expectations for the day. Little did I know what was in store. I was supposed to take Bigun to kindergarten about 45 minutes early for a "doughnuts for dads" day, so all of the dads could get together and have some fellowship with all of the kids. She's in 3 yr old kindergarten with a local church. So I got her out of bed a little early. Every morning she says she doesn't feel so well. But today, while getting dressed she threw up on me. twice. Then again in the toilet. So no doughnuts for me. Poor thing.

Then Wifey comes home from the gym and is upset that she has to look after a sick child instead of having her in school for the morning. Sorry I didn't feel like spreading the infection through doughnuts. Then she accidentally meat-punched me, then forcefully plucked a random hair from my forehead. Then she sat down on my lap and farted. What the hell?

Then EG woke up sick too, as an Evil Genius is known to do. This time, both cheeks were encrusted with dried snot, so her nose was running all night long. Both kids also have a feveer. But at least EG wasn't vomituous.

Really? Really?????!? 8 DAYS BEFORE THE MARATHON AND BOTH KIDS ARE TRYING TO GET US SICK? Seriously? gaaaaaa!

Now to be clear, I can't use fancy footnotes like Glaven does. This programmer doesn't want to commit the time to figure that out. So meat-punching by definition is a surprise. the best way is to ring someone's doorbell and take a knee. they won't be looking down when they answer the door, and you will be on the level to deliver a square punch in the dick. Poor bastard will never see it coming. And vomituous is a word Wifey thinks I made up (vom-IT-u-us) meaning a feeling like you are about to vomit. And by poor thing (in the first paragraph), i was referring to myself. screw the sick kid. I finally get to socialize with other guys that have kids the same age as my kids over doughnuts, my favorite cheat food ever, and i get robbed by puke? dang.

Just kidding, i really was feeling sorry for the kid. And i didn't know if it was krispy creme or dunkin doughnuts. I'm a dunkin man for the coffee and all of the cake doughnuts. I'll take it over krispy's every time. Wifey thinks that's rediculous. But still, i might have gone to the church anyway if I knew it was dunkin's.

And if you notice a distinct lack of running notes, that's the beauty of the taper. Lots of rest days. Including yesterday. I did get on the bike on a trainer for about half an hour on wednesday, and did some yoga today. Tomorrow (saturday) is an 8 mile long run, and I might do some strength training on sunday, but it will be some light core work more than likely.

So have a great weekend, good luck if you're racing, and I'm sure some of you are. I haven't actually walked outside of the walls of the house since tuesday, so I'm half stir crazy. And got the spring fever something bad. yesterday it was 22 degrees when kelley left the gym, and tomorrow the high is supposed to be 65. Quite a swing, so I'm going to get outside as much as i can over the weekend.

18 comments:

teacherwoman said...

Sorry to hear about the sick ones. I hope you guys don't get sick before the big race! Have a great weekend!

Wes said...

LOL... Enjoy your little germ factories! If you get sick, that'll just help you taper properly :-)

Jess said...

Sorry to hear both girls are sick. Wishing them speedy recoveries and you and Wifey immune systems of steel!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

This is why I don't have germ factories. Much like eating to this single girl: too damn risky!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

So a meat-punch involves a punch to the d*ck? Man, that's no fair, because (I don't know your wife but I'm guessing) she doesn't have one and there's no way for you to "accidentally" exact retribution.

But one thing I do know - men are MUCH better farters than women are. So take your revenge that way. How? VOLUME, VOLUME, VOLUME!!1!

You know, when you have kids, no one ever hands 'em to you and sez, "Here's this little bag of future illnesses for you, because this thing is gonna get stuff YOU NEVER EVEN HEARD of and then YOU'RE NEXT, so you better go out and eat all yer dunkin donuts NOW, you poor f*ck, because, believe me, it ain't happenin' for you in the future."

And you know it's a good thing no one does, because ... geez ... who'd wanna reproduce then?

Enjoy the taper and good luck in the marry, brother. [grudgingly]Good luck to the meat-punching farter, too ... I guess ...[/grudgingly]

Nick said...

Sorry to hear about the family woes. My middle girl puked yesterday morning as well. Grape juice ... belly full of it. Luckily my wife got her to the toilet just in time or that could have been permanent. And for the record, taper means gradual reduction :-)

Amanda said...

Eeeek, hope you guys stay well for next weekend!

Carly said...

I hope the kiddos are feeling better. I am sad you missed out on the doughnuts though....you need the carbs for your upcoming race.

LMAO at "meat Punching".

Amber said...

Being sick is not fun, hopefully you don't catch it before the race!

Re your comment on my blog about hockey, I never realized it but yes hockey is a HUGE part of our culture in Canada, especially in Northern B.C. where I was from. When I first started playing hockey there was no girls teams so all the girls played with the boys and eventually we established a very competitive girls team up there. I spent 9 months of every year playing hockey, it was a big part of my life. That's too bad you don't have that opportunity for your girls down there, it's such a rewarding experience. Well, I think any team sport is a rewarding experience :-)

Hope your girls feel better soon!

Ryan said...

The thing I like about Krispy Kremes, they taste just as good coming up as they did going down. That is important for a sick food...or bulimics.

Jess said...

When my future child gets sick, can I send it your way? I don't deal in puke.

Alisa said...

UGH! Yet another reason I know I'm not ready for kids...dang germ magnets! (I blame bronchitis on my neices and nephews at Xmas.)

Hope you are able to tough it out until after the marathon before getting sick.

Sarah said...

I hate Krispy Kreme (vomitous). I'm a little weirded out your wifey fatred on you. But the sick kid story didn't kill my baby fever - try harder!

Calyx Meredith said...

Hose the house down with Lysol stat. Drink lots of water and take some extra vitamin C. Then cross your fingers that you don't get sick. I'll cross mine for you too. Hope the germ factories are better soon!

RBR said...

Ooh. Stomach virus-type illness is the worst! I hope the little barfers are feeling better soon and that somehow the plague skips over you and wifey.


5 MORE DAYS!!

BTW, I hear you. I would have totally crashed the party for Dunkin's. Who says you need to bring the kid?

Erika and Blake said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ThickChick said...

Haha, farting on someone's lap is a sign of affection. At least that is what I tell The Cub.

And if I was your kid, I'd puke too just to get out of going to church. Ha!

Hope you stay healthy.....

Steve Stenzel said...

Ewww... gross. Hope the sick ones are better!!!